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Various Artists Rent Soundtrack, Cast Recording La Vie Boheme (Life Cafe) (Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to be seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the right, BENNY and MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The RESTAURANT MAN tries to shoo our friends out.) RESTAURANT MAN No please no Not tonight please no Mister -- can't you go -- Not tonight -- can't have a scene ROGER What? RESTAURANT MAN Go, please go; You -- Hello, sir -- I said, "No" Important customer MARK What am I -- just a blur? RESTAURANT MAN You sit all night -- you never buy! MARK That's a lie -- that's a lie I had a tea the other day RESTAURANT MAN You couldn't pay MARK Oh yeah COLLINS Benjamin Coffin III -- here? RESTAURANT MAN Oh no! ALL Wine and beer! MAUREEN The enemy of Avenue A We'll stay (They sit.) RESTAURANT MAN Oy vey! COLLINS What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe? BENNY I would like to propose a toast To Maureen's noble try It went well MAUREEN Go to hell BENNY Was the yuppie scum stomped Not counting the homeless How many tickets weren't comped ROGER Why did Muffy -- BENNY Alison ROGER Miss the show? BENNY There was a death in the family If you must know ANGEL Who died? BENNY Our Akita BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS Evita BENNY Mimi -- I'm surprised A bright and charming girl like you Hangs out with these slackers (Who don't adhere to deals) They make fun -- yet I'm the one Attempting to do some good Or do you really want a neighborhood Where people piss on your stoop every night? Bohemia, Bohemia's A fallacy in your head This is Calcutta Bohemia is dead (The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with MARK delivering the "eulogy.") MARK Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes COLLINS & ROGER Dies irae -- dies illa Kyrie eleison Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc. MARK Here she lies No one knew her worth The late great daughter of mother earth On this night when we celebrate the birth In that little town of Bethlehem We raise our glass -- you bet your ass to -- (MAUREEN flashes hers.) La vie Boheme ALL La vie Boheme La vie Boheme La vie Boheme La vie Boheme MARK To days of inspiration Playing hookie, making something out of nothing The need to express -- To communicate, To going against the grain, Going insane Going mad To loving tension, no pension To more than one dimension, To starving for attention, Hating convention, hating pretension Not to mention of course, Hating dear old mom and dad To riding your bike, Midday past the three piece suits To fruits -- to no absolutes -- To Absolut -- to choice -- To the Village Voice -- To any passing fad ALL La vie Boheme La vie Boheme (JOANNE enters.) MAUREEN Is the equipment in a pyramid? JOANNE It is, Maureen MAUREEN The mixer doesn't have a case Don't give me that face (MAUREEN smacks JOANNE's ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts.) MR. GREY Ahhemm MAUREEN Hey Mister -- she's my sister RESTAURANT MAN So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter And one pasta with meatless balls A BOY Ugh COLLINS It tastes the same MIMI If you close your eyes RESTAURANT MAN And thirteen orders of fries Is that it here? ALL Wine and beer! MIMI & ANGEL To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou MAUREEN & COLLINS Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion Creation, vacation MARK Mucho masturbation MAUREEN & COLLINS Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new COLLINS To Sontag ANGEL To Sondheim FOUR PEOPLE To anything taboo COLLINS & ROGER Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage COLLINS Lenny Bruce ROGER Langston Hughes MAUREEN To the stage PERSON #1 To Uta PERSON #2 To Buddha PERSON #3 Pablo Neruda, too MARK & MIMI Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow To blow off Auntie Em ALL La vie Boheme (JOANNE returns.) MAUREEN And wipe the speakers off before you pack JOANNE Yes, Maureen MAUREEN Well -- hurry back (MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss.) MR. GREY Sisters? MAUREEN We're close (ANGEL jumps on of COLLINS, who's on the table. They kiss.) ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY Brothers! MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens, Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa Carmina Burana ALL To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy Vaclav Havel -- The Sex Pistols, 8BC, To no shame -- never playing the Fame Game COLLINS To marijuana ALL To sodomy, It's between God and me To S & M (MR. GREY walks out.) BENNY Waiter...Waiter...Waiter ALL La vie Boheme COLLINS In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner...Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred. ROGER Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days. (ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it.) MARK Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing native american tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello -- which she has never studied. (At this point, JOANNE has entered and seen MAUREEN playfully kiss MARK. JOANNE exits. BENNY pulls MIMI aside.) BENNY Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us? MIMI There's nothing to know BENNY Don't you think that we should discuss -- MIMI It was three months ago BENNY He doesn't act like he's with you MIMI We're taking it slow BENNY Where is he now? MIMI He's right -- hmm BENNY Uh huh MIMI Where'd he go? MARK Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song. (ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta's Theme.) That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz" COLLINS Angel Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris , while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub. ANGEL And Collins will recount his exploits as an anarchist -- including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcast the words: ALL "Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS" BENNY Check!! (BENNY exits. Lights on MIMI and ROGER.) MIMI Excuse me -- did I do something wrong? I get invited -- then ignored -- all night long ROGER I've been trying -- I'm not lying No one's perfect. I've got baggage MIMI Life's too short, babe, time is flying I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine ROGER I should tell, you -- MIMI I've got baggage too ROGER I should tell you -- MIMI I got baggage, too ROGER I should tell you -- BOTH Baggage - wine -- OTHERS And beer! (Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper.) MIMI AZT break (MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL, and COLLINS take pills.) ROGER You? MIMI Me. You? ROGER Mimi (They hold hands and stare into each other's eyes lovingly. The rest of the company freezes.) |
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