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Well I come from a long line of skeptics and I've always thought
that if something seemed too good to be true, then it was probably too
good to be true. So one day I was walking down the sidewalk, minding my
own business, having a good old time when I came upon a bag and I
thought if that bag was full of money it would be too good to be true.

So I sat down on the bench and I opened up the bag and when I looked
inside, sure enough it was full of money. How much money? I'll tell
you, a lot of money. And I thought, man what should I do? This seems
too good to be true. Yeah, it’s just too good to be true.

So I hid behind the bench and I waited to see if anyone would come
looking for the big bag of money. And sure enough, these two scruffy
guys came by and one said to the other, "I left the bag right here and
if someone found it and gave it back to me I was going to give them a
big reward, like it was a test to see how honest they could be." I
peeked at them and I thought no, you can't fool me. That sounds a
little too good to be true.

So I took the money home and I put it in my room, turned on the TV
and checked out the news, and they said that sure enough there had been
a bank robbery that very afternoon, but nobody should worry because the
bad guys took only funny money so nothing was really missing. And I
thought, "That doesn't sound right. That sounds too good to be true."

So I went up to my room and opened up the bag and much to my
surprise I found out it was funny money. The money started talking and
telling me jokes. It said, "What's green and has wheels?" I said, "I
don't know". And it said, "Cash...I was lying about the wheels." Well,
I quickly shut the bag and thought, man, I know exactly what to do.
Hey, ‘cause this is just too good to be true.

So I took it to the TV station and I got a slot on a late night talk
show. When I opened up the bag, the funny money told a few jokes and
everybody laughed and they gave me a bunch of cash and I bought a big
car and a bunch of other stuff and I know what you're thinking. You're
thinking I'm making this up because… because it sounds too good to be
true. And you know what? I'd have to agree with you. Yeah now, it might
be too good to be true. Yeah it’s just too good to be true.

Yeah you just remember when somebody starts telling you something
that sounds too good to be true, odds are pretty good it's too good to
be true. If it's too good to be true, then it's probably too good to be
true.
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