Benny Hill Ultimate Collection Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) You could hear the hoofbeats pound as they raced across the ground And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round And he galloped into Market Street, his badge upon his chest His name was Ernie And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west Now Ernie loved a widow, a lady known as Sue She lived all alone in Linley Lane at number 22 They said she was too good for him, she was haughty, proud and chic But Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week They called him Ernie Ernie And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west She said she'd like to bathe in milk He said "All right, sweetheart" And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up the cart He said "Do you want it pasturized? 'Cause pasturized is best" She says, "Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to me chest" That tickled old Ernie Ernie And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west Now Ernie had a rival, a evil-looking man Called Two Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the bakers van He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread And when she seen the size of his hot meat pies, it very near turned her head She nearly swooned at his macaroon and he said "Now if you treat me right, You'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every night" He knew once she sampled his layer cake he'd have his wicked way And all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day Poor Ernie Ernie And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west One lunchtime Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four And as he lept down from his van, hot blood through his veins did course And he went across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his horse Whose name was Trigger Trigger And he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west Now Ernie rushed out into the street, his goldtop in his hand He said "If you wanna marry Susie, you'll fight for her like a man" "Oh why don't we play cards for her" he sneeringly replied "And just to make it interesting, we'll have a shilling on the side" Now Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun They stood there face-to-face and Ted went for his bun But Ernie was too quick, things didn't go the way Ted planned And a strawberry flavored yogurt sent it spinning from his hand Now Sue she ran between them and tried to keep them apart As Ernie, he pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart And he looked up in pained surprise at the concrete hardened crust Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the dust Poor Ernie Ernie And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west Ernie was only 52, he didn't wanna die And now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky Where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned And the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land But a woman's needs are manyfold and Sue, she married Ted But strange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed Was that the trees a-rustling? Or the hinges of the gate? Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops a-rattlin' in their crate? They won't forget Ernie Ernie And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west |
Videos
|
All lyrics are property and copyright of their owners. All lyrics provided for educational purposes only.
Copyright © 2007-2009 LyricWorld.com, LoiNhac.com
© 2009 lyricworld.com, loinhac.com are two of a family of companies in the LmVN Group.