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Frank Zappa Miscellaneous T**ties & Beer It was the blackest night There was no moon in sight You know the stars ain't shinin' 'Cause the sky's too tight I heard the scarey wind I seen some ugly trees There was a werewolf honkin' 'Long the side of me I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy Got a big-t**ty girly by the name of Chrissy Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me... 'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, Mystery I noticed even the crickets Was actin' weird up here And So I figured I might Just drink a little beer I said, *"Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on..." But there was no reply 'Cause she was gone... *"Where's those t**ties that I like so well 'n my goddamn beer!"* Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil...he's about this big... He had a red suit on An' a widow's peak An' then a pointed tail 'N like a sulphur reek Yes, it was him awright I sweared I knowed it was He had some human flesh Stuck underneath his claws You know it looked to me Like it was t**ty skin I said, *"You sonofabitch!"* 'Cause I was mad at him, Well he just got out his floss 'N started cleanin' his fang So I shot him with my shooter Said: BANG BANG BANG Then the sucker just laughed 'n said, *"Put it away... You know, I ate her all up...now what you gonna say?"* YOU ATE MY CHRISSY? *"t**ties 'n all!"* WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE BEER THEN, BOY? *"Were the cans this tall?" EVEN HER BOOTS? *"Would I lie to you?"* S***, YOU MUSTA BEEN HUNGRY! *"Yes, this is true."* WELL DON'T THEY PAY YOU GOOD FOR THE STUFF THAT YOU DO? *"Well, you know, I can't complain when the checks come through..."* WELL I WANT MY CHRISSY, 'N I WANT MY BEER SO YOU JUST BARF IT BACK UP NOW, DEVIL, DO YOU HEAR? *"Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the Devil, Do you understand? Just what will you give me for your t**ties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little contract here..."* YER GODDAM RIGHT, YOU SON-OF-A-WHORE, *"Don't call me that"* THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY REASON ...GIMME THAT PAPER...BET YER ASS I'll SIGN... 'CAUSE I NEED A BEER, 'N IT'S T**TY- SQUEEZIN' TIME *"Man, You can't fool me...you ain't that bad... I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls I had... Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too... 'n both of those suckers was worse 'n you..."* WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL IF YOU THINK THAT'S TRUE I MEAN, YOU'RE THE DEVIL, SO WHATCHA GONNA DO? (improvised dialog) "Wait a minute...a tinge of doubt crosses my mind...when you say... that you want to make a deal with me..." "That's very, very true I'm only interested in two things *"Yeah?"* See if you can guess what they are" "I would think...uh...let's see, maybe Stravinsky..." "I'll give you two clues. Let go of your pickle" "What?" "Let go of your pickle!" "I'm not holding my pickle" "Well, who's holding your pickle then?" "I don't know...she's out in the audience... Hey Dale, would you like to come up here and hold my pickle to satisfy this weird man out on the stage?" "I'm only interested in two things, and that's t**ties and beer you know what I mean? *"What?"* t**ties and beer t**ties and beer t**ties and beer t**ties and beer t**ties and beer t**ties and beer t**ties and beer!" t**ties and beer!" *"I don't know if you're the right guy?"* t**ties and beer!" t**ties and beer!" *"No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think... I mean hold on a second boy, 'cause that's magic ink!" And then the devil let go of his pickle and out come my girl, there was her t**ties flop-floppin'...all around the world She said "I got me three beers and a fistful of downs and I'm gonna get ripped, so f***, you clowns!" Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid and stiff That's when the devil, he farted and she went right over the cliff! The devil was mad, I took off to my pad I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? I swear I do declare, how did she get back there? |
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